A few months ago, I was shopping in a local furniture store when the salesman approached me to
see how he could help me. Upon learning that I was looking to upgrade to a king-size bed he
inquired as to what made me decide to go with the bigger model.
"My wife is about to have our second baby" I explained, "and we need enough room for the four of us."
The look on the young salesman's face could best be described as one of utter disbelief. Fortunately,
for him, I am a veteran bedsharer and over the past three years have endured every criticism known
to man when it comes to our sleeping arrangements. I've heard it called unconventional, not normal,
dangerous, irresponsible and stupid among other things.
But the recent campaign by the New York State Office of Children and Family Services, "Babies Sleep
Safest Alone" ratcheted up the attack on bedsharing to a new level.
The campaign is being anchored by a series of Public Service Announcements depicting a child being
smothered (presumably to death) as his mother rolls around in bed and he becomes tangled in the bedding.
A voice grimly pronounces, "Last year, 43 babies in New York died needlessly when they slept in an
adult or sibling's bed, remember, babies sleep safest alone."
New York State has taken the campaign to the radio as well as television, and blanketed the state with
200,000 posters touting their position that "co-sleeping is risky." Unfortunately for new parents who
come across this material they are only receiving one side of a very complex issue, and, should they
choose to accept this campaign as truth, run the risk of missing out on one of the greatest joys of
parenting - the family bed.
It is worth noting that much of the data available today that decries co-sleeping comes from studies funded
by the Juvenile Product Manufacturers Association (a.k.a the people who make a profit when you buy a crib).
It is also worth noting that study upon study shows that more babies die each year alone in cribs than in
an adult bed. In fairness, more children sleep in cribs, but the fact remains, both places involve risk,
and the truth is not that "Children Sleep Safest Alone", but rather, "Children sleep safest in a safe
environment."
Lake View resident Kelly Rogers is a big fan of attachment parenting. Her 10-month-old daughter Willow
has been sleeping with her and her husband David since birth. For Rogers, it just seemed like the right
thing to do.
"I'm never out of her sight during the day so why would I lock her in another room to sleep at night?"
Rogers says while some family and friends struggled to understand her decision to share a bed with her
infant daughter she has no regrets.
"It has been so natural and comfortable to have her next to me, I mean; she was in my womb for 41 weeks,
why wouldn't I sleep with her?"
Rogers says she took the necessary precautions before introducing Willow into their bed and believes
that if it is done safely, bedsharing is the most natural thing in the world.
"Our job as parents is to protect our children - whether she is next to me in bed, or in a crib, I have
to look out for her and protect her."
The sentiments of Rogers and her fellow co-sleeping parents are backed up by evidence suggesting that not
only is co-sleeping safe, but it in fact may be even safer that a child sleeping alone in a crib.
Dr. James McKenna is the Director of the Mother-Baby Behavioral Sleep Laboratory at the University of
Notre Dame and a leading expert on the issue of bedsharing.
"While each single bedsharing death is tragic each is no more an indictment against any and all bedsharing
than the 300,000 plus crib deaths is proof that all crib sleeping is deadly, and thus, should be eliminated."
McKenna says that his research indicates on many different levels that co-sleeping, when practiced safely,
poses no greater risk to an infant, than being alone in a crib. He further believes campaigns such as the
one put forth in New York State are an example of "a simplistic and inappropriate warning" that he says
misrepresents the truth behind safe bedsharing.
"They also dismiss the valid reasons why people engage in the behavior (bedsharing) in the first place."
Those reasons can vary from family to family. While some do it out of necessity and others, like the
Rogers,’ do it as a pre-planned choice of parenting style, still others evolve into a co-sleeping
arrangement, often out of convenience. Such was the case with Michelle Cyran-Little. The Lackawanna mother
of two (daughters Annelise, 7 and Emma, 2) came to share a bed with her children after it became clear
that Annelise wasn't going to sleep through the night.
"I was exhausted" Michelle explains, calling the sleepless nights, "really traumatic."
In an effort to remedy the situation, Annelise joined Michelle and her husband in the family bed, and at
the age of seven, still finds room with mom and dad, along with her sister Emma.
Like most bedsharing parents, Michelle insists that she doesn't worry about the safety of her children
because she is careful in how they sleep. She also dismisses the idea that bedsharing breeds clingy,
socially challenged children.
"Because she feels safe at home, it allows her to feel safe enough to be out there in the world."
Parents who embrace the "family bed" all point to the fact that bedsharing is a common practice in much
of the world and studies such as the ones conducted by Dr. McKenna and his team suggest a reduction in
SIDS deaths with bedsharing not an increase, as some opponents of bedsharing suggest.
They further say that programs like the "Babies Sleep Safest Alone" campaign in New York are misleading
with their data. Of the 43 deaths attributed to co-sleeping in their current PSA's, no differential
between is made between parents who are practicing safe bedsharing and those who have been drinking
and pass out with their children, or who sleep with them on a couch or some other unsafe place.
By lumping them all together, these moms say they are unfairly tilting the scales, making bedsharing
seem dangerous, when in reality, it isn't.
For Dr. James McKenna, and the many families of Western New York who practice safe bedsharing, campaigns
like the one being run by New York State unfairly generalize an issue that is far more complex than they
would have you believe. McKenna scoffs at the notion that bedsharing is "risky and dangerous" as the NYS
campaign says.
"Telling parents never to sleep with a baby is like suggesting that nobody should eat fats and sugars
since excessive fats and sugars lead to obesity and/or death-obviously, there is a whole lot more to the
story."
Matt Chandler is a freelance writer from Blasdell and dad to Zoey, 3, and Oliver, 3 months,
both of whom share the family bed.